Mein Sukaina Gillani Hoon

Well, this sentence sounds very lame but recently I have been on a thought process to find out who I really am and to accept myself with all my flaws. Usually teenagers go through this process but I feel thinking on this issue is an ongoing process. Most women dont realize who they are and what their importance is. They are always known as the daughter of someone, then the wife of someone and later on as the mother of someone. Who are you and who am I is the question on table. While trying to cover all the basis and trying to fulfill all the tasks which have been placed on our plates we tend to forget our own existence. For me, Sukaina Gillani is the name which was given to after my birth and Allah placed me in this position. This is the name which will be stuck with me during every good and bad moment of life. If I end up performing an exceptional task I shall be remembered as Sukaina Gillani and if I end up on the wrong path then vice versa. This name will be written on my tomb stone after death and I shall be called out from this name on the Day of Judgement. I don't know who I am and who I want to be unlike some people. I dont know where life will take me but all I know is "Mein Sukaina Gillani Hoon". This is not the same as "I am Sukaina Gillani". This lame and stupid sentence defines that I am proud of my Desi heritage and brown blood. Its a part of me which shall always be ingrained in my blood, my skin, my actions and my thought process. While naming me, my sister who was 3 at that time didn't realize who she was naming me after. But, years later I am proud that I am named after one of the most Noble women who lived on this planet. I don't have the capabilities or the strengths she had for she shook the world and created a mini revolution of her own by the age of 5. She is still remembered and though I am no where to be compared if I could even get the blessing of her name it is an honor for me. Sukaina literally means "Tranquility". For those who know me, I am not the most tranquil person on this planet nor am I an ambassador for peace but I do wish I could be of some help in creating "World Peace" without sounding like Miss Universe. Gillani on the other hand comes from a long line of ancestors who spent their lives in finding out the true religion. I am not a Sayed but I am proud of my ancestors who converted from Hinduism to Ismaili to Shia Twelver because if they would not have and would have stayed on their old path I would not be where I am and my faith and spirituality would have been compromised. Gillani also tells me about my genes, my bloodline which consists of people who were determined and have changed not only their social class over the years but have educated themselves to understand their mistakes and to learn from them. I am the daughter of a soil which consists of faith and spirituality, humbleness and humanity, pureness and tranquility. With all its faults and flaws "Mein Sukaina Gillani Hoon" and I am proud of the fact that no matter who I turn out to be in future I am who I am.